Twenty-three years ago, in griefWe etched all of our namesIn stone, imagining no otherOutcome than us, intact foreverIt was the best we could doSince we could not bring him backWe promised his ashes companyOne day, when our time arrived Time, all by itself, has a wayOf changing things, and yetWe played a role, too—we lovedLess … Continue reading Poem: Etched in Stone
letting go
Integrating Hope
“Late have I loved you,O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you!You were within me, but I was outside,And it was there that I searched for you.”– St Augustine Recently I have had this intermittent sense that I need to call home, to call my mother. I haven’t spoken with her in … Continue reading Integrating Hope
For my bird
Every cell of youContains my loveAs it always willEach moment of your lifeI have assessed my role In front of youAs you were learning to walkBeside youAs you walked confidentlyAnd later, traveling with youAs you mapped a path less taken If the tide were to have words,I imagine it responding to retreatRelease release releaseAnd advanceReach … Continue reading For my bird
Open Doors, Ohio Part 4
On the first night I arrived in Ohio to stay, G gave me a tour of the house on the river—the former rectory—and all of the demolition work she had done in the month of my absence. A bat soared across the room vanishing into the darkness. A few days later I grabbed my work … Continue reading Open Doors, Ohio Part 4
Finding Movement
I write to find out what I’m thinking. What I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear. Joan Didion “You have your words,” G said last summer. She’s right. Most of my writing is silently, unabashedly, purely for me; pen and paper are my best friends. … Continue reading Finding Movement
Poetry: Where have you gone?
Well hello little baby Word less, emotion full How did you become… Our little one Reaching for my hair, my eyes Your arm around my neck Where have you gone? You, too, little girl You who held my hand, Told me stories Wanted me, always Where have you gone? Say, big girl You who grew … Continue reading Poetry: Where have you gone?
To Non-Attachment
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose. - Yoda It took me a while to come up with a tag line for this blog site. The memoir's subtitle is Discovering Motherhood After a Loss. But the blog was born out of living a polarity, publishing essays about raising a little person while living … Continue reading To Non-Attachment
New Years & Counting Down
After I had a cerclage surgery in September 2001, the OB said I needed to be on strict bedrest for the rest of the term. That meant six months of lying down. We promptly made a countdown calendar that X printed and put up on the bulletin board next to my bed. (Photo below). When G … Continue reading New Years & Counting Down
Hugging an armful of sand
Loving a teenager, I’ve decided, is like hugging an armful of sand. Try though I may, it’s impossible to gather all of that sand, and even if I could, I can’t hold onto it—even for a moment. It was a joke at first when I said, “I’ve done attachment, now I need to do detachment.” … Continue reading Hugging an armful of sand
Poem: Beginning, Middle, End
You are my beginning My ray of light The first to breathe Say “Mama” And whisper “I love you” To hold and be held With you, I learn From you, I study Beside you, I discover Glancing at the path ahead As my first growing child You receive The mirror you need to grow You … Continue reading Poem: Beginning, Middle, End
Where I End & She Begins 